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The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice

guinness logo label poster 199x300 The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati IceIs Guinness One of the Worst Beers in the World?  God Damn Right.

By Tim Rodgers

When I attempted to tackle this topic in my mind, the easy route that arose was to just take all of the beers that I funneled down my throat in high school and/or college or compile a list of malt liquors like some other well known sites.  *wink.  I could just compile a list of those cheapest most mass produced swill on the market and throw a dart at a board to rank those suckers.  But after much more careful thought, there are beers from cheap to complex, light to heavy that deserve much critical notoriety and to be exposed as bad brews.

Therefore, I put my bitter beer face on, took Spuds McKenzie for a walk, and when I asked for a light to sit down at my laptop to start writing, I actually meant a lamp, and not beer flavored water.  Are we engaging in snobbery and being pretentious with this exercise?  Yes, but what isn’t snobby or pretentious about food and spirit reviews?

 So anyhow, without further adieu…  WhiskeyGoldmine presents: 

 The Top 10 Worst Beers

miller lite logo 234x300 The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice1. Miller Lite:  

Having the gumption to advertise a “triple hop” guarantee takes moxy, especially when 95% of Miller Lite drinkers have no idea what a hop even is.  What perplexes me is the amount of beer drinkers that choose this product.  This is by the far the #1 beer drank at the Philadelphia Eagles tailgates, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why. I understand why people may like “light” beers, but this one is horrible.

2. Natural Light Ice: 

I could of picked any “Ice” Beer here. Not sure what ice brewed even is. It’s kind of like cold fusion, sounds good, but a pipe dream of great things that could have been.

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stella artois in bev 199x300 The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice3. Stella Artois: 

“The Belgium Budweiser.”  “Cool”, I thought as sat down to my first Stella.  Beer from Belguim, how can you go wrong?  Well, you just did.

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4. Lienenkugels Sunset Wheat:

If I wanted to find out what a urinal cake tastes like I suppose I would want it in beer form, rather than the actual urine soaked cake.  But after drinking this, I am now not so sure.

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5. Bud Light Lime:

So drinking a Corona with a lime wedge used to be cool…until InBev executives stole the idea and butchered it.

crazy horse malt liquor The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice6. Crazy Horse: 

I think its noteworthy to acknowledge malt liquor here.  From Colt45, Mickey Big Mouth, King Cobra,  to Olde English 800, let’s face it, malt liquor is intended for homeless people.  Although they don’t make Crazy Horse anymore, I thought it was appropriate to include it for its offensive racist tones on a variety of levels.

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7. Sam Adams Raspberry Lambic: 

Sour beers are not my favorite style, although, when done well, I can appreciate them.  I did not appreciate this attempt by the folks at Boston Beer Company.

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billy beer 300x243 The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice8. Billy Beer: 

Any thing done by a Carter or kin must be bad for the economy, inflation, interest rates, and the Middle East.  Beer is no different. (I know you’re a Democrat, so is my boss on this website, lighten up)

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9.  Michelob Ultra: 

Another bad trend started by metro-sexuals counting carbs.  Now you have MGD 64 and Bud 55.   Well, water has zero calories.  I’ve already pitched “Silver Bullet Zero” to the fine folks at Coors, before you try stealing my idea.

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guinness logo label poster 199x300 The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice10.  Guinness Stout. 

I know, Guinness is synonymous with Stout.  But pretty much every other stout I’ve ever had is better than its household named cousin.   

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15 comments to The Top 10 Worst Beers: Guinness, Stella Artois & Nati Ice

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  • Gerald

    IMHO, Stella Artois tastes a lot like Olde English 800, which isn’t a bad thing at all because I very much enjoy the sweet undertones of Malt Liquor and cannot understand why people consider it a low class drink. It tastes fucking good, isn’t that all that counts?

    [Reply]

    WGM Reply:

    Hey, if you like Olde English more power to you. I guess your bar tabs aren’t too steep.

    [Reply]

  • c d j

    DUDE YOU GOTTA GET YOUR FUCKIN BRAIN CHECKED. GUINESS AND STELLA BASICALLY RULE THE BEER WORLD WITH THEIR PREMIUM REFRESHING GREATNESS. SHAME ON YOU, YOU SHOULD BE BANNED FROM EVER DRINKING BEER AGAIN.

    [Reply]

    Matt Goldstein Reply:

    Budweiser is the #1 selling beer in the world, does that make it good? Please. Just because it sells, doesn’t make it good. Guinness and Stella Artois are average beers at best. Their drinkable, but nothing special.

    Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined. Does that make her better? Come on brah!

    #getaclue

    [Reply]

    rod Reply:

    so are guiness and stella the “worst” beers or “average”?

    [Reply]

    WGM Reply:

    Rod,

    I think the author is discussing the beer based on reputation. Basically, that the beersw are not good at all but their reputation seems to be that they are.

  • Gourmonster

    Remembered another one, possibly the worst “beer” I’ve ever had. Using quotes because it’s a malt liquor, not a true beer, nonetheless, I give you Kool Mule. I’m not sure if this vomitous concoction is still being produced, but from the logo of a mildly stoned looking cartoon mule reclining on a cloud drinking a 40 of said beverage (and it only came in 40oz. bottles, natch) to the taste which I remember being somewhere between mint and chewing gum ( but, strangely, not mint chewing gum), it’s a crime against nature and brewing of the highest order.

    [Reply]

    Matt Goldstein Reply:

    Kool Mule? WTF is that? Sounds absolutely vile.

    [Reply]

    Gourmonster Reply:

    Vile/ You’re being too kind. Actually I looked it up and it was and/or may still be made by Rheingold. There’s an alternate logo floating around the web that just has the reclining mule over the words Kool Mule. I guess the cloud was dropped sometime after 1979, which is when I remember trying the stuff.

    [Reply]

  • BOOMER

    I agree with miller lite being number 1 on this list. Where is the Beast though???? How about icehouse???

    [Reply]

  • Gourmonster

    I’ve gotta add in Lucky Lager, which I’ve always assumed is named because you’re lucky if any two cans (never seen it in bottles) taste alike. Also Iron City Light, which is just plain foul.

    [Reply]

  • I’d also nominate busch beer

    [Reply]

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